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 April Fool's Day Special Edition


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Creo to launch SquareCut

April 1, 2005 -- Creo Inc will announce the latest development of the SquareSpot technology called SquareCut. This is for a new solution for gravure engraving where the system will automatically cut square apertures in cylinders made of remolded rubber recovered from old automobile tires. The process has been developed by Creo scientists in Canada who found that under new environmental regulations that were unable to dispose of used tires from the SUV automobiles they all use.

It was found that by using old 830 nm diode imaging bars from used SquareSpot imaging heads to heat up and melt the rubber, that it would become fluid when mixed with residue sunflower cooking oil from all of Vancouver's Chinese restaurants. This fluid could then be sprayed onto aluminum cylinders using Creo's Spray On plate coating process forming a smooth surface 0.5 cm thick. Creo's engineers had found that this surface was very hard but would vaporize when imaged by a 120 mw violet light source.

By utilizing 256 violet diodes with special square edged optics designed by Leica that perfectly shaped square apertures with 256 levels of depth could be vaporized from the rubber surface. The system, known as the RubberSetter is currently being tested by an unnamed printer.

Amos Michelson, Creo's CEO, stated that the RubberSetter was the greatest breakthrough in this century for the gravure industry, and it would make gravure economical for print runs as low as 1,000 copies. The only problem is that Creo has not found a reliable source for supply of both old automobile tires and used cooking oil. It is understood that the announcement of the RubberSetter has caused substantial interest in Creo. Both Goodyear and Bridgestone are evaluating working together with Kraft Foods to make a counter bid to buy Creo before the Kodak deal can be finalized.

On this news, Creo shares have shot up in price in the past 24 hours and are now selling at $25.00. It is also rumored that Robert Burton is planning to buy Goodyear.




Special Note: All these stories are presented in the true spirit of April Fool's Day. None of these stories are true, nor are they intended to reflect the strategy and intent of any real person or company. Our purpose with the April Fool's Edition is to elicit a smile, and we hope you will enjoy our spoof! We are an Equal Opportunity Offender: Our contributors name many industry companies in their stories, none of which should be taken seriously. Please offer your feedback


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