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| April Fool's Day Special Report: |
The April 1, 2000 spoof of The Eagle editors Robert FitzPatrick and Steve Aranoff produced both smiles and a rude awakening among some in high places of the graphic arts industry. The joke is offered now as an April Fool's "classic." When it was released three years ago, many in the industry actually accepted it as plausible and sent letters of congratulations to the new "dot-com millionaire" editors. The hoax claimed that THE EAGLE, the quarterly, subscriber-based journal that is now part of WhatTheyThink.com's premium offering, had been valued at $25 million. The value was based on a "first round" venture capital funding of $5 million for a 20% equity stake. Henceforth, it would be called THE EAGLE.COM. Funding, according to the prank, was arranged by Pyramid Partners, LLC whose president, Lasdwun N. Luzes, (Pronounced "last one in loses") had experience in the World Wrestling Federation and multi-level marketing which he said were relevant to graphic arts. The fake story contained more nonsense such as how the company would boost equity by issuing press releases and would sell "virtual products." We present it today, long after the dot-com mania has subsided and venture capital funding for the graphic arts has seemingly moved to an "undisclosed location." CLASSIC: THE EAGLE.com Gets $5 Million in Funding, Will Expand, Expects IPO APRIL 1, 2000, CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA… Robert L. FitzPatrick, founder and CEO of the well known industry publication, THE EAGLE, announced today the company’s first round of venture capital funding. The company received $5 million representing 20% of the total equity. The company has renamed itself, THE EAGLE.com. The new funding will enable THE EAGLE to expand dramatically, according to FitzPatrick. An IPO is expected later in the year. THE EAGLE.com is a prime mover and information portal in the key areas of distribution trend analysis, e-commerce development, and the study of dealer/manufacturer relations. "As e-commerce becomes the new mode of wholesale distribution," FitzPatrick said, "demand for understanding and, in some cases, consolation, will be in great demand. "Products are commodities. Over capacity is rampant. Services are expected to be given away free. What is rare in this environment is an understanding of why it is all happening and how to avoid clinical depression as well as bankruptcy," FitzPatrick stated. THE EAGLE will provide that data, he noted. THE EAGLE.com’s website will go live later this month. Revenue will be gained from partnerships, sponsors, banner ads, and subscriptions. Products will also be available for breakthrough support in economics, psychology and helpful hints on how to adapt to the new internet economy. "There is a new paradigm at work here," FitzPatrick said. "It may seem that companies are emerging with vague business plans, unfathomable products, and no prospect for ever achieving profits. THE EAGLE.com fits that profile. Few people understand its articles or heed its advice, and it has never been profitable. "But these are now the companies of the future, and investors and competitors will just need to understand and adapt. THE EAGLE.com will help in this area." Co-editor, Steve Aranoff noted that THE EAGLE.com is in momentum now and excitement is growing. Aranoff will be in charge of arranging strategic partnerships. "It is well known that partnership announcements increase market equity. We expect to issue a press release every week. At that rate, we expect equity to grow rapidly," Aranoff stated. The news was greeted excitedly by various trade magazine publishers in the graphic arts industry, as well as trade show organizers and National Public Radio, all of which will be recipients of an aggressive advertising campaign launched by THE EAGLE.com to show investors that it is doing something. First round venture capital funding was provided by the well-established fund of Pyramid Partners, LLC. The company president, Lasdwun N. Luzes, stated that his company considers THE EAGLE.com to be a dynamic investor opportunity. "Wisdom and truth are rare in business today," Luzes stated. "Some would say that the market appears completely irrational and headed toward disaster. THE EAGLE.com has had a reputation for objective analysis, promoting partnership and value added services, and providing visionary insight into future trends. By taking THE EAGLE.com into the public equity market, we are merging wisdom with irrationality. We think there is great synergy here as well as investor opportunity. Luzes' firm has been involved in such diverse ventures as World Wrestling Federation and multi-level marketing which he claims are strangely applicable to the graphic arts field in recent times. - Back to the April Fool's Home Page Special Note: All these stories are presented in the true spirit of April Fool's Day. None of these stories are true, nor are they intended to reflect the strategy and intent of any real person or company. Our purpose with the April Fool's Edition is to elicit a smile, and we hope you will enjoy our spoof! We are an Equal Opportunity Offender: Our contributors name many industry companies in their stories, none of which should be taken seriously. Please offer your feedback. This was a collective effort by many of our contributors. We decided a universal byline was best since so many helped with each story. Thanks to Gail Nickel-Kailing, Molly Joss, Frank Romano, Cary Sherburne, CAP Ventures, Bill Farquharson, Noel Ward, John Dunn, Paul White, Dr. Joe Webb, Robert FitzPatrick, Steve Aranoff, Vince Marini, Jeremy Smith, John Zarwan |
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