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| April Fool's Day Special Report: |
Print industry leaders cover up serious environmental problem – DHMO is accident waiting to happen April 1, 2003 -- The printing industry and other manufacturing businesses are about to come under pressure from environmental regulators for problems with dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO). The chemical is often found in groundwater, is a major component of acid rain, and is an ingredient of many pressroom chemicals. Little has been done to regulate DHMO, but recently it has been blamed for contributing to global warming (though you can't tell from this winter!). Unfortunately, reviews of major industry association web sites have no mention of DHMO or what printing companies can do about it. Among the dangers of DHMO are: Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities. Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage. Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects. Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns. Contributes to soil erosion. Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals. Contamination of electrical systems by DMHO often causes short-circuits. Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes. People who have ingested DHMO often have it show up in bodily fluids, and it is easily tested for. It has shown up in some food supplies, such as milk, but the government has not yet issued any recalls. Why they persist in denying DHMO's dangerous presence in the environment is a question many environmentally-concerned individuals have asked. They have also minimized the terrorist scare of secretly adding DHMO to municipal water systems. One of the components of DHMO is explosive, and has been proposed as a source for powering transportation vehicles, an example of its danger if ingested. In pressroom operations, DHMO is a prime culprit in the difficulty of keeping proper ink-water balance on press. A review of papers from GATF, Cal Poly and RIT do not mention DHMO at all, indicating a dramatic need for research. Experts we contacted claim that DHMO is as safe as water, again minimizing the potential threat. To see the detailed formula of dihydrogen monoxide, click here. For more information www.dhmo.org. - Back to the April Fool's Home Page Special Note: All these stories are presented in the true spirit of April Fool's Day. None of these stories are true, nor are they intended to reflect the strategy and intent of any real person or company. Our purpose with the April Fool's Edition is to elicit a smile, and we hope you will enjoy our spoof! We are an Equal Opportunity Offender: Our contributors name many industry companies in their stories, none of which should be taken seriously. Please offer your feedback. This was a collective effort by many of our contributors. We decided a universal byline was best since so many helped with each story. Thanks to Gail Nickel-Kailing, Molly Joss, Frank Romano, Cary Sherburne, CAP Ventures, Bill Farquharson, Noel Ward, John Dunn, Paul White, Dr. Joe Webb, Robert FitzPatrick, Steve Aranoff, Vince Marini, Jeremy Smith, John Zarwan |
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