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••• Today's FAKE News First ••• Fuji and Agfa are considering a merger, but the new name -- Fufa -- may scotch the deal. Aguji is under consideration, and confidential sources say this is the leader in focus group testing along with Fugfi and Fujfa. R. R. Donnelley and Creo have entered into a definitive merger agreement. R. R. Donnelley said that other printers would most likely still get their equipment serviced, but Donnelley's primary goal is to gain a competitive edge against companies like Banta, Quad/Graphics, Bowne and Quebecor. "We have not worked out all the details about how to service competitors with Creo equipment," said a spokesperson, "Our main goal is to further distinguish ourselves from competitors by being the owner of one of the industry's leading prepress companies." Not to be out done, Quad Graphics is buying up all magazine and catalog publishers in the U.S., and intends to unite all of the publications and catalogs under one daily 800-page title. Apple is announcing a new stealth laptop that can be used on airplanes during takeoff and landings. Invisible to flight attendants, users have to find ways of explaining why their fingers are making typing motions in mid-air. Like many other Apple products, it has the finest design and an extremely un-ergonomic mouse. When asked what this "invisible" stealth computer was made of, Apple replied "what difference does it make?" Apple has also decided to cash in on a major market -- look for the new iPotty - available at Toys R Us. Said Steve Jobs, "Kids should think different too." New memory devices are getting smaller -- the memory stick and flash memory cards. Now, memory devices based on common objects will soon hit the market. There is the memory paper clip, the memory push pin, and the memory ear stud. Thus, it will now be possible to forget where you put your memory. In a bold strategic move, Electronics for Imaging (EFI) has acquired itself. EFI offered itself $1 over its current stock price. Said EFI CEO Guy Gecht "We started out to acquire Printcafe and then--poof!--we made an offer for ourselves." EFI will operate as a wholly-owned subsidiary of itself. No management changes are planned except for the guy who had this idea, who, for personal reasons, has decided to seek other opportunities. Xerox has introduced the first device for edible printing. Special toners are combined to match the taste of various foods and also print the image on a sheet of edible material. Major chains like Sir Speedy, Kinko’s, AlphaGraphics and Allegra are rushing to get into the fast food business. It is likely that the first products will be cookbooks where readers can rip out a recipe's page, and consume it. To stimulate copier sales, readers will first have to copy the recipe before consuming the original. Goss, Heidelberg, and MAN Roland have licensed a new product to bring staples to newspapers. Years in the making, major web press suppliers and stitching equipment suppliers have joined forces to solve a major problem, pages falling out of sections of newspapers. KPG has decided to re-name itself and return to its roots: Polychrome Howson Anitec Imation Kodak. Business cards will be gatefolds. In order to help people cope with PostScript and PDF files that might become corrupt, Adobe has created a new product, Adobe InDistress. It is especially applicable to people of low resolution. Martha Stewart Living and HP announced plans today to create and market a series of color toners inspired by Stewart’s line of home décor paints currently sold by K-Mart and other fine retailers. "We figured that everybody else already has CMYK down pat, and we need to differentiate ourselves," explains Pat Tone, HP’s project manager for décor toners. (Sources say that Ms. Stewart did not buy shares of HP before the announcement.) The Environmental Protection Agency issued a press release last week that named the top ten recyclers in America. The announcement was meant to praise these companies for their commitment to the environment. All of the companies named in the release were waste management companies except for ninth ranked, B&W’s Color Printing. The EPA said the company disposed of 4,320 tons of waste in 2002. Bill Diller says he had no idea they would be given an award. "This is embarrassing." The company printed three huge annual reports for 3 different Fortune 50 companies and got them wrong. "We decided to at least recycle the paper." • See the Real News for Today - Back to the April Fool's Home Page Note that all these stories are presented in the true spirit of April Fool's Day. None of these stories are true, nor are they intended to reflect the strategy and intent of any real person or company. Our purpose with the April Fool's Edition is to elicit a smile, and we hope you will enjoy our spoof! We are an Equal Opportunity Offender: Our contributors name many industry companies in their stories, none of which should be taken seriously. Please offer your feedback. This was a collective effort by many of our contributors. We decided a universal byline was best since so many helped with each story. Thanks to Gail Nickel-Kailing, Molly Joss, Frank Romano, Cary Sherburne, CAP Ventures, Bill Farquharson, Noel Ward, John Dunn, Paul White, Dr. Joe Webb, Robert FitzPatrick, Steve Aranoff, Vince Marini, Jeremy Smith, John Zarwan ••• Free News Resources: ••• • Top Five News: Most visited stories based on site statistics. • Site Archive: The archive has over 9,000 news articles & more. • Executive Intelligence Briefing: Weekly, printable news digest. • Send News and Tips: Get the word out about your company. • Email News Alert: So you & your team can know in real-time.  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